giovedì 28 gennaio 2016

Maybe Maby by Willow Aster


Release Date: 07.13.2014

Synopsis:

I’m having a meltdown. Not the put-her-in-the-loony-bin kind, but the rock-in-the-corner-so-I-can-breathe kind. Maybe they’re one and the same and I really do need to be put away, but I think I just need a little air. I’m bone tired. My eyes look like I haven’t slept in weeks. I’m eating my feelings and developing a pudge that isn’t gonna go anywhere if I keep binging on chocolate, nachos and wine. 

I’m 28 and everyone has left me. I have no friends. My boyfriend left. My mom died, so technically she left me too. I hate my job. 

I get this overwhelming 'oh my God, is this what my life is gonna be?' feeling and I want to die. 

Curl up and die. 

And since I don’t feel my heartbeat fading or my breathing getting even slightly faint, I panic that I’m gonna have to live. 

Maybe Maby is a heartbreaking, and at times, hilarious story about coping with loss, finding love in New York, and learning to recognize hope in the middle of it all. 



Review:


I've loved this book so much that I have already read it twice.
I feel as I have a lot in common with the main character,Maby.
She is strong enough to try to change her life and also if she sometimes goes back to struggling with her compulsions and depression in the end she makes the right choices to be happy.


"Gardenias seem delicate,difficult to grow,but under the right conditions,they flourish.Stronger than they look."

The Light of Day by Kristen Kehoe


Release Date: 10.07.2014


Synopsis:

Every action has its own consequence… 

Cora Whitley has learned the hard way that there are some choices you can’t escape, you merely survive. And she is, surviving that is. She’s living, breathing, eating, sleeping, working, all of the things you do when all you’re trying to do is get from one day to the next without truly remembering who you were. 

Jake Ferrari recognizes Cora the minute he sees her. Maybe it’s because somehow he knows she’s as broken as he is, or maybe it’s because when he looks at her he sees that the life he thought was over when his elbow blew out and his pitching career came to a halt can now be something different. Something better with her. 

But nothing comes for free, not even love. Follow Cora and Jake as they piece together their lives and deal with the consequences of falling in love with the one person they know they can’t have.

**Includes mature content.**

Review:



I liked this book a lot even if it broke my heart seeing Jake and Cora,the main characters,drowning under the pressure of their sorrows.Fortunately during their journey they learn to live in the present without fearing the tomorrow.
Kristen Kehoe is a new to me author and I'm glad I found her because her writing style is really good and their characters feel so real you become involved in their lives as they are your friends.

mercoledì 27 gennaio 2016

Dashing Through the Snow by Debbie Macomber


Release Date: 10.06.2015


Synopsis:

Ashley Davison is desperate to spend the holidays with her mother in Seattle. Dash Sutherland has an interview for the job of a lifetime in Seattle and must arrive by 23 December. Both frantic to book a last-minute flight out of California, Ashley and Dash collide at the airport to learn that there are no flights and only one rental car available. After a rocky start, the two reluctantly agree to drive to Washington together. But their journey isn't without obstacles, and a misunderstanding with the law threatens to ruin their holiday plans altogether.
Will Ashley make it home in time to surprise her mother? Will Kevin report to duty as expected? And most importantly, will they both have the opportunity to discover the greatest gift of all?


Review:


Dashing Through the Snow was a lovely story.I've read it in one sitting, enjoying the cute moments in the plot and the funny bantering between the main characters.
Dash,our Hero,is a serious and attractive ex army man that grew really fond of our heroine,Ashley, sweetness during their car trip from San Francisco to Seattle.

Christmas Wishes and Mistletoe Kisses by Jenny Hale


Release Date: 10.16.2015


Synopsis:

An uplifting, beautiful story about never letting go of your dreams, the special magic of a family Christmas… and the rush of falling in love under the mistletoe. 

Single mother Abbey Fuller loves her family more than anything, and doesn’t regret for a moment having had to put her dreams of being an interior designer on hold. But with her son, Max, growing up, when a friend recommends her for a small design job she jumps at the chance. How hard can it be? 

Nick Sinclair needs his house decorated in time for his family’s festive visit – and money is no object. What he doesn’t need is to be distracted from his multi-million dollar business – even if it is Christmas. 

When Abbey pulls up to the huge Sinclair mansion, she has a feeling she might be out of her depth. And when she meets the gorgeous, brooding Nicholas Sinclair, she knows that she’s in real trouble… 

With the snow falling all around, can Abbey take the chance to make her dreams of being a designer come true? And can she help Nick to finally enjoy the magic of Christmas?

Review:


Christmas Wishes and Mistletoe Kisses was a lovely and heartwarming story. The Christmas spirit comes out from every page.
Abbey,our heroine,is a single mum and a nurse but she chooses to follow her dreams becoming Nick's interior designer.Our hero is a workaholic,he puts his job before everything else.I've really enjoyed reading about the blooming of their relationship.
This was the first book I've read from this author but it definitely won't be the last.

Snowflakes on Silver Cove by Holly Martin


Release Date: 10.30.2015


Synopsis:

Libby Joseph is famous for her romantic Christmas stories. Every December, readers devour her books of falling in love against the magical backdrop of the Christmas season. If only Libby believed in the magic herself… 

Struggling to finish her current novel, Libby turns to her best friend and neighbour George Donaldson to cheer her up. But George also needs a bit of support himself. Nervous about getting back into the dating saddle after splitting from his wife, he and Libby strike a deal. She will teach George how to win over the ladies, and Libby will in turn be inspired to inject her novel with a good dose of romance. 

As Libby and George explore the beautiful White Cliff Bay on a series of romantic Christmas-themed dates, Libby finds herself having more fun than she’s had in ages and…discovers feelings that she never knew she had for George. 

But is it too late? Will George win someone else’s heart or can Libby act like the heroine in one of her stories and reach for her own love under the mistletoe this Christmas? 


Review:



This is a lovely story full of interesting characters.It was a perfect read for this Holiday season.
George and Libby are perfect for each other but they are both scared to change their friendship into a love story,Amy and Seb story is slowed down by his wife's ghost and the fear of his mother in law judgement...fortunately both the couples have the strength to overcome their fears and enjoy their relationships.

Christmas at Lilac Cottage by Holly Martin


Release Date: 09.25.2015


Synopsis:

Welcome to the charming seaside town of White Cliff Bay, where Christmas is magical and love is in the air…

Penny Meadows loves her home – a cosy cottage decorated with pretty twinkling fairy lights and stunning views over the town of White Cliff Bay. She also loves her job as an ice-carver, creating breathtaking sculptures. Yet her personal life seems frozen.

When Henry and daughter Daisy arrive at the cottage to rent the annex, Penny is determined to make them feel welcome. But while Daisy is friendly, Henry seems guarded.

As Penny gets to know Henry, she realises there is more to him than meets the eye. And the connection between them is too strong to ignore…

While the spirit of the season sprinkles its magic over the seaside town and preparations for the ice sculpting competition and Christmas eve ball are in full swing, can Penny melt the ice and allow love in her heart? And will this finally be the perfect Christmas she’s been dreaming of?

Like a creamy hot chocolate with marshmallows, you won’t want to put this deliciously heartwarming novel down.

Spend the perfect Christmas in White Cliff Bay this year. Snowflakes on Silver Cove coming very soon.
 


Review:



Christmas at Lilac Cottage was the first book I've read written by this author but it won't be the last (I've already started to read the second book of this series).
This is a nice story perfect to read in front of the fire place on Christmas day.
You cannot not to grow fond of these lovely characters.I've really enjoyed Penny and Henry love story and I'm so curious to know more about Daisy...please give her a full book!

Bella's Christmas Bake Off by Sue Watson


Release Date: 10.22.2015


Synopsis:

Bella Bradley is the queen of television baking – a national treasure. Her Christmas specials have been topping the ratings for years and her marriage to Peter ‘Silver Fox’ Bradley is the stuff of Hello magazine specials.

But this year things are going to be different.

For Amy Lane, Bella’s best friend from school, life hasn’t held quite the same sparkle. And when Amy’s husband walks out three weeks from Christmas, it seems their lives are further apart than ever.

Amy has watched Bella’s rise to fame fondly, despite the fact Bella was always a terrible cook. But when she realises that Bella’s latest Christmas book is made up entirely of Amy’s mother’s recipes, the gloves are off…

After winning a competition to appear on Bella’s TV show, Amy is going to make sure that for Bella and her viewers, this will definitely be a Christmas to remember…

A hilarious, heart-breaking and feel good read about best friends, baking and the magic of Christmas.
 


Synopsis:


This story was so well written that it felt like at times I was watching a nice movie. It was really enjoyable and it put my little Grinch's heart in a beautiful Christmas mood.
I especially liked the culinary show idea and the main characters funny bantering behind the burners.
This was the first book I have read from this author but it won't be the last for sure. 

One Wish in Manhattan by Mandy Baggot


Release Date: 10.02.2015


Synopsis:

Christmas: it's the most wonderful time of the year...to fall in love The temperature is dropping, snow is on its way and Hayley Walker is heading for New York with one wish... to start over. With her daughter Angel, Hayley is ready for adventure. But there's more to New York than twinkly lights and breathtaking skyscrapers. Angel has her own Christmas wish - to find her real dad. While Hayley tries to fulfil her daughter's wish, she crosses paths with billionaire Oliver Drummond. Restless and bored with fast living, there's something intriguing about him that has Hayley hooked. Can Hayley dare to think her own dreams might come true - could A New York Christmas turn into a New York Forever? Travel to the Big Apple this Christmas and join Hayley and Oliver as they realise life isn't just about filling the minutes... it's about making every moment count.


Review:


This story is so lovely.I like all the characters,the British,the Americans and the Italo-American ones.My favorite is the disillusioned Hero,Oliver,that finds again the joy of Christmas thanks to a beautiful and smart woman and her wish.

Wrong Number, Right Guy by Elle Casey


Release Date: 09.22.2015


Synopsis:

When a mysterious text message summons May Wexler to a biker bar in downtown New Orleans, she knows something is very wrong. Her sister has sent out an SOS, but when May gets there, she’s nowhere to be found and May is the one in trouble—she’s wearing pink espadrilles, she’s got a Chihuahua in her purse, and she’s in the middle of a shootout.

After tall, muscular Ozzie comes to her rescue, May has no choice but to follow him to safety. At the headquarters of his private security firm, the Bourbon Street Boys, she finds a refuge for the night—and the offer of a job. But it’s not long before a gun-toting stalker isn’t the only complication in May’s life: the more time she spends with Ozzie, the less she can deny that they’ve got some serious chemistry. A wrong number got her into this mess…Will it also get her the right guy?


Review:


Wrong Number,Right guy is a lovely story with a hint of suspense and a touch of humor for a very enjoyable read.
I wanted more insight into May and Ozzie relationship,they are really interesting but the end felt a little rushed.
I would have liked to read more about them and all the gang that work at the security firm "Bourbon Street Boys".Hope the second book in the series will be released soon.

Wynn In Doubt by Emily Hemmer


Release Date: 10.16.205


Synopsis:

Wynn Jeffries has wanderlust. Unfortunately, her life stalled somewhere between graduating from college and slinging drinks at the local dive bar. Stuck in a one-room apartment with no career, no boyfriend, no…life, she dreams of something more. Something amazing. Something like Oliver Reeves, her high school crush, who’s back in town and reminding Wynn of the way she used to be.

When a forgotten news clipping falls out of a book belonging to Wynn’s grandmother, a well-kept family secret is finally revealed. Is Wynn’s gypsy spirit the result of an overactive imagination, or did she inherit it from a woman so determined to live a big life, she gave up everything to have it?

Together, Wynn and Oliver attempt to put together the missing pieces of her family’s past and unravel the mystery behind her great-grandmother’s disappearance. But after so much time succumbing to fear and regret, can Wynn ditch her safe, routine life for the chance at an extraordinary future?


Review:


Wynn in doubt is a beautiful journey,narrated in a very pleasant way where past and present are perfectly intertwined.
I could easily identify with our heroine Wynn,she is stuck in a life she doesn't enjoy,sacrificing her dreams in order to help and to not disappoint her family.
When she finds an old newspaper article she decides to leave on a weekend trip with her high school crush,Oliver,a well known musician back in town to feel again his passion for music.They make a lot of interesting discoveries that help Wynn to forget her fears, and for the first time in her life to stand up to her parents and sisters and live the kind of life she really wants.
This is one of those books that stay with you for a very long time and some more.


"It seems to me now that hope is a terrible thing.It's the only emotion that pushes you forward and holds you back at the same time."




Give Me Yesterday by K. Webster & Elle Christensen


Release Date: 09.24.2015


Synopsis:

High powered divorce lawyer, Victoria Larkin, is known as the ice queen. Tough. Emotionless. What they don’t know, is that ten years ago, she lost everything. Including her hope for the future. 

Chase Monroe struggles with his own demons. Devastated by guilt and on a mission to correct his past, he uses his skills as a college psychology professor to help others move beyond their grief. 

When Victoria is forced to attend grief counselling, she meets Chase, and there is an instant attraction. Chase is determined to help her confront her past and find happiness. Victoria is afraid to relive her pain. 

Just as they begin to step forward, tragedy strikes and throws them backwards, and they find themselves, once again, shackled to the past. 

Can Chase and Victoria find the path to a happy future together? Or will they forever be wishing for yesterday? 

**Recommended 18+ due to language and sexual content.**


Review:


Give Me Yesterday is an emotional and touching story,it breaks you page after page but it will put your heart back together in the end.
The main characters, Chase and Tori, feel so real I saw myself into their actions. I have asked few times to live again an ill-fated day to try and change it but unfortunately no one can give me it.This was the first time I read something written by these two authors but I can't wait to read more of their works.

Excerpt:

Chase
“Now,” I narrow my eyes and pin several of my smart-ass students with a firm stare, “Don’t think by choosing ‘Power and Dominance’ as your topic that I’m going to accept a bunch of BDSM papers.  If you took anything out of this class, you’ll understand that it is much more than floggers and calling someone Daddy.”  An eruption of laughter roars in front of me.  “Anyone that chooses that topic will be graded harder than say one that nobody ever chooses, like ‘Cognitive Biases of Decision Making’ or ‘Parental Investment.’”
The chuckles die down and several of them groan, clearly they were all headed to Tumblr to begin their research right after class.
I smirk at their disappointment and continue.  “You have two weeks to complete this assignment as per what the grading rubric specifies.  Wednesday and Friday of this week, we’ll use our class time in the Media Center to begin our research.  All papers are due the week before finals and is twenty percent of your overall grade as you’ll see if you refer back to your syllabus.  Anyone have any questions?”
Mack, the class idiot, raises his hand.  “Two weeks isn’t very long to do a twenty-five-page research paper, Dr. Monroe.  Especially when finals are around the corner.”
Several other students groan in agreement.
I frown and scrunch my eyebrows together as if to contemplate his complaint.  “You know, Mack, you have a point.  Forget the assignment.”
When they all cheer, I laugh.  “Kidding.  Do the assignment.  Don’t be lazy.  Most of you are U of C seniors and plan on taking internships at psychiatric wards and private practices this summer.  Do you think they want lazy asses?”
Some of the class chuckles at my cursing while some are grumbling at my not-so-funny joke.
“I’m here to make it tough,” I regard Mack with a serious look and push my black-rimmed glasses up my nose, “Because those patients out there are going to be one helluva lot tougher than I am.  Suck it up and do the assignment.  See you guys Wednesday and don’t forget to have your topic posted on Blackboard before next class.”
This class groans and shuffles as they gather their things.  Cort, my teaching assistant, strolls down the steps and drops his bag on my table.  He’s been my assistant for two years now, but I’ll lose him in a few weeks once he graduates.  Then it’ll be a nightmare selecting another to take his place.  The guy’s familiar with the way I like to grade and keeps me organized.  It sucks that I’ll have to start all over in the fall.
“You even had me going and I know never to believe your goofy ass,” he gripes and rolls his eyes at me as he leans against the table.
I chuckle as I gather my notes and tuck them into my thick, leather folder.  “It’s twenty-five pages.  They’ll get over it—so will you.”
“I, for one, could have used two weeks of extra study time,” he pouts.
Shoving the folder into my messenger bag, I raise an amused brow at him.  “Really, Cort? You typed up the rubric and input my notes into Blackboard.  Did you really think I’d waste all that work done and that you’d get off that easy?”
He runs a frustrated hand through his overgrown blond hair and frowns.  “Wishful thinking I guess.  I’m stressed and have a lot going on right now with my classes—all of which they are unloading a crap-ton of assignments at the last minute.  But I should have known better with your hard ass.”
I stand and walk over to him, and then slap him on the shoulder.  “Come on.  I’ll take you to dinner, you big baby.  I’ll tally the topics as they come in today and tomorrow and then add them to the spreadsheet.  You can,” I throw up air quotes and mimic him in a whiny voice, “study.”
He swats me away as he laughs and shoulders his bag.  “You’re a prick, Chase.  No wonder you can’t keep a girlfriend.”
I flip him off and grab up my messenger bag.  “I think you deserve an ‘F’ for that smart-ass comment.  Besides,” I tease with a wag of my eyebrows, “They couldn’t hand the Chase.”
He shoves open the classroom door and I follow out after him.  “Most women,” he mutters as if he’s the professor and I the student, “prefer to catch the one they’re chasing.  You never settle with any of them.”
I scratch the dark scruff along my jawline as I ponder his words.  “I stayed with Savannah for a while.”
He scoffs from beside me.  “A while?  Chase, you dated her for three weeks.  The girl had practically planned your wedding and named all your future kids.  And when you got bored of her and broke it off, who do you think she pestered for weeks afterward.”
Cort may be my teaching assistant and eight years my junior, but we’ve become pretty good friends.
 Unfortunately for him, he’s been privy to several hairy breakups.  Including Savvy.
“She didn’t pester you,” I laugh and hold open the door that leads outside and to the parking lot.
This time he bellows.  “Fucking asshole! She stalked me on Facebook and sent me like fifty-seven messages asking me to ‘talk’ to you.  I finally had to block her ass.  So yes, she pestered the hell out of me.”
My thoughts turn to Savvy.  Sweet, petite, pixie of a woman, Savvy.  Her bobbed brunette hair and dimples drew me in.  Her neediness and pressure to define our relationship was what drove me away.  The woman was great in the sack.  It was after we crawled out of bed that things became a problem.
“Maybe I should call her up.  Invite her to dinner with us,” I poke at him to see if he’ll bite.
“Do it and I’ll torch your baby,” he threatens, taking my bait.
As we stride through the parking lot, I search for my baby.  She’s all curves and gloss.  My baby doesn’t whine or complain when I leave the toilet seat up or ask me to call her my girlfriend.  In fact, she purrs when I get her all revved up.
“Do it and I’ll torch you.”
He bursts into hysterics as we approach my midnight black with charcoal racing stripes Dodge Challenger.  I bought her new in December—a little present to myself.  Her payment is more than my rent, but she’s worth it.
“You know,” he muses as we toss our bags into the back and climb in, “Maybe I should become a college professor instead.  Dr. Murdock drives a six-year-old Toyota Camry with hubcaps and wears stained button downs.  You, on the other hand, look like you fell out of a magazine with your model hair and drive a badass car.  I wonder if I could convince Mom to skip on my interning with him and change things up a bit.  Chicago needs better professors. Who better than fresh from the class of 2015?”
I shake my head ruefully at him and push my key into the ignition.  After I turn her over and rev the engine, I glance over at him before putting it in gear.  “Considering Dr. Murdock is the partnering psychiatrist at your Mom’s private practice, I don’t think that’d be a good idea.  Besides, I like when she invites me to dinner a couple of times a month.  She’d kick my ass if I influenced you to switch careers and my home cooked meals would dry up.”
Rolling out of the spot, I lean back against the cherry red leather bucket seat and cruise out of the parking lot.  I hang a left onto 59th and head toward our favorite Irish pub, O’Malley’s that sells the best Galway oysters and draft beer. 
“Unfortunately, I don’t think my mom would ever cut you off.  She says I need a good, male role model in my life,” he growls out the last part with a bitter bite.
I clear my throat and change the subject.  Cort has the corner on deadbeat dads.  But, he doesn’t like talking about it, and I don’t push.  “How’s Blair?”
Glancing over at him, I’m rewarded with a toothy grin.  “God, man, she’s amazing.  I’m going to marry that girl one day.”
“Did she finally start giving head?” I laugh.
His cheeks redden, but he nods.  Lucky prick.  “Like a champ,” he says with a whistle, “But that’s not why.  She’s great and I love her.”
Love.
Such an unfamiliar word in my head.
No matter how many times I lecture on the topic of love and mating from a psychological perspective, I have a hard time grasping it in my own head.  Aside from mom, I don’t love anyone.  And several girls I dated came close but it was never more than a lovely infatuation.  Never love.  Never the all-encompassing, do anything for the other, blinding type of love.
I wonder if I’m even capable.
I wonder if I even deserve it.
“Blair’s a good apple,” I agree, driving out depressing, self-loathing thoughts as I pull into O’Malley’s parking lot.  “She’s good for you.”
We climb out and make our way inside the smoky pub.  Claudia owns the place and squeals when she sees me walk inside.  The fifty-something woman with her horrible blond dye job painted on her shoulder length hair bounces over to me, suffocating me with not only her hug but her god awful perfume she no doubt hoarded from the eighties.
“Missed you, handsome,” she gushes and finally releases me.  Her brown eyes have been dulled from years of drowning her sadness in alcohol.  Tiny wrinkles around her heavily rouge painted lips though indicate she’s spent the past few years finding happiness again.
I chuckle and flash her a flirtatious grin.  “You saw me Saturday, gorgeous.  It’s not like I don’t come in here at least once between weekends.”
Her cheeks redden and she waves us over to a booth near a window.  “You’re too young to be flirting with an old lady like me.  Sit your cute butts down over there and I’ll bring you a couple of tall boys.  I’ll have Baxter throw in a batch of fried pickles too.”
Cort rolls his eyes at me as we slide into the booth.  He’s used to my effect on every woman I encounter. Claudia’s different than most women, though.  She’s a true friend and we understand the pain we each force below our surface, hidden by jokes and smiles.
“Maybe you should hook up with her,” he jests after she scurries off, “That is unless you’ve already hit that.  You dirty bastard.”
“She’s my friend, asshole.  We’re in the same group that meets each Saturday.”  As soon as I blurt out the last bit, I clamp my mouth shut, grinding my teeth into dust and wish I could erase my words.
He quirks a blond brow in question, the clever guy not missing a beat.  “You ever going to tell me about this group?  What is it? A singles group?  It can’t be AA because you drink more than me and I’m the college, kid.”
Guilt surges through me at not ever having told Cort about what my group is.  He’s never asked so blatantly before and I’m unsure how to respond.  My group is very near and dear to me.  Each person in there is closer to me than my own mother.  Our pasts are all brittle and broken.  It seems traitorous to share what we are about with someone who could never understand.
“It’s a support, group.  And Claud’s a great lady but she’s not interested in ever remarrying,” I clip out and cut my eyes over to her.  She’s slicing an orange to garnish our beers with and she’s lost in thought.  When no one’s looking, she drops her playful demeanor.  Loss and heartache plague her features.  But the moment she lifts her chin and her eyes meet mine, she forces a grin.  I smile back.  “Anyway, what’re you doing your topic on?”
Cort narrows his eyes at me but respects my blatant subject change.  “Personality and Psychopathology.  Thought I might figure out ole’ Daddy,” he grits out.
His parents divorced when he was a senior in high school when his mother found her best friend in bed with her husband. It was a bitter, nasty divorce that pulled both him and his younger sister into it.
“Psychopathology isn’t the same as psychopathy, man.  Hate to burst your bubble there.  You’re dad’s just a cheating asshole.  That’s my professional opinion,” I tell him with a shrug.
He laughs and soon we’re past tense subjects while we devour fried pickles and beer that Claudia’s long since brought to us.
***
My laptop sits on the coffee table in front of me open to Blackboard.  Most of my students have already inputted their topics, a few brave souls—Mack included—challenging me by taking on ‘Power and Dominance.’  But my gaze isn’t on my computer but instead on the wall in front of me—a wall I’ve painted countless times.  Clamping my eyes shut, I attempt to conjure up the exact shade I remember.  Everything is sketchy in my memory bank and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get it right.
One thing’s for sure, though.
It’s the wrong goddamned shade.
With a huff, I rise to my feet and stalk over to the bookshelf in the corner.  On the top shelf sits a color palette booklet.  Snatching it up, I thumb through the colors of the rainbow until I find the one color that always alludes me yet is perfectly imprinted in my brain.
I count through the X’s over each wrong color.
Sixteen.
The seventeenth shade gets a big fucking X too.
Since I only instruct Monday, Wednesday, and Friday of each week, Tuesday’s and Thursday’s are my play days. Tomorrow, it would seem, I’ll be playing in the paint section of the hardware store.
I carry over the palette to the bar and drop it beside my wallet.  Tomorrow I’ll attempt, once again, to find that color.
The color that haunts my dreams.
The color that should bring joy but instead drags out depression from the depths of my soul.
A color that will always be perfect in my head but no matter how hard I fucking try, I’ll never bring it to life on my living room wall.
“Life’s not fair,” I mimic Mom’s words.
I cringe at her harsh words that were meant to mend my heart and push me back into reality.  Back then, despite her unyielding personality, she was there for me.  But, she eventually lost the bite of her hardened heart that my selfish father created, the moment Alzheimer’s started playing tricks on her.  Little by little it stole my strict mother away and in return gave me this confused, lost woman.  The only person I ever truly loved came to a point where she couldn’t remember if she loved me back or not.  Now, I’m all on my own, facing reality, without my mother’s guiding hand and advice.
My head throbs in unison with my broken heart and I run my fingers through my hair.  Gripping at it, I slam my eyes shut.
Discombobulated shards of my brutal past stab and slice through my head.  I force my eyes back open and with it, the sadness that ever attaches itself to my psyche withdraws into the shadows of my mind.
Tomorrow, I’ll visit her.
Tuesday’s they have fresh daffodils at Schrage’s Florist and just like I do each week, I’ll bring them to her.
She doesn’t have to tell me she likes them because I know.
Pain once again slices through my chest and I stumble into the kitchen, on a desperate mission to dull it.  Yanking open the cabinet door above the stove, I grab the amber colored whiskey bottle and unscrew the cap.  I bring it to my lips and take a long swig, enjoying the burn as it races down my throat.
It burns in my chest and chases away the hurt.
But for how long?
Another pull of the whiskey.
Life’s not fucking fair.